*Trigger Warning*
It’s a story that’s now all too familiar: A young girl is violently gang-raped by a group of boys she knows. People stand by. They don’t stop it. One of the offenders snaps a picture of the victim and aggressively disseminates it. It goes viral. And people stand by. They don’t stop it. In fact, they spread it like wildfire. Not by accident. On purpose. The rapist wants to share the trophy of his crime. He holds it like a shining beacon of malevolence for the world to see.
“Look what I did. Look what I took.”
And other people want to see it. And they want it to be seen. Not to shame the assailant but to humiliate the survivor.
There’s always a motivation for sharing a picture. There are experts that are exclusively invested in understanding the psychology of image sharing. People use pictures to communicate important moments, transmit crucial elements of their identity, and express who they are. More importantly, people share photos because of the prospect of expected rewards.
Rehtaeh Parsons committed suicide after being raped, photographed by her rapists, and bullied out of school.
In the case of viral rape, perpetrators want to disseminate the evidence of their crime, a photograph of their prey, because it elevates their status. The benefits of the glory are so alluring that rapists — overwhelmingly teen boys in this category — are deliberately spreading evidence of their criminality at the cost of potential legal repercussions. The impetus: these boys want to prove to their friends that they are men. That they conquer, that they pillage, that they are the sexual dominators (no matter how passed-out and unavailable their victims were). That is their sad version of manhood.
Boys are taught that they don’t prove their masculinity through their appreciation for women, but through their callous conquering of them. Rape becomes a method to assert masculinity, and sharing the photo of your triumph becomes a way to document your place in the social order.
The fact that rapists want others to know that they have raped suggests that violating women is a rite passage, a legitimate method to climb the social ladder of masculinity — or at least the bastardized toxic masculinity that they covet). Forcefully penetrating an unconscious girl is not a source of shame, but a badge of honor in the march of toxic masculinity, passed on through cultural narrative and weak “boys will be boys” punishments. Instead of guilt, the rapists feel pride. They get to rape their victims all over again, with ever share and every nasty comment, with every “LOL” and every “what a slut.”
It isn’t fair, and it needs to stop. A lot of people in this forum take issue with the concept of victim blaming. Too bad. Instead of finding compassion in others, the survivor of these traumas receive contempt. It’s time to start blaming those that deserve the blame: these boys. And I know this will piss a lot of people off too, but also society for not only permitting, but maintaining these toxic masculinities.
Audrie Pott died this weekend after commiting suicide following a brutal gang-rape which also photographed.
Viral rape is a trend. It’s systemic. It’s petrifying. It’s spreading. It happened to Jane Doe in Steubenville. It happened to Rehtaeh Parsons in Halifax. It happened to Audrie Pott in California. Who will it happen to next? Whose daughter, cousin, sister or friend will it happen to before we all take responsibility to stop it?
Why do we do these things. we were put on earth for reasons and people are just screwing up their life. a mister meter whatever good luck getting away with the next one BUT RAPE, REALLY. We all make mistakes and it’s okay we are hopefully all humans here but are you that f***ing hopeless that you cant find someone that wants to have sex with you, you did not have to do this, your done you have no life now and YOU killed someone you have f***ing issues you should really be on death row but whatever. I most likely took this too far but i’m just trying to express my self to people that are not 12 years old like me. And once again i’m 12 and more mature that person.
Thank you for sharing your point of view on this subject, you are showing us that this things should never be accepted as normal. Is impressive you’re only 12 years old and don’t take this situations lightly. We truly appreciate your comments and support!
When our kids are young and they get into bad situations, what do we do, or what are we told to do?Remove them, riderect them, etc.We are no longer allowed as parents to teach our kids how to function. We are not allowed to let siblings beat up on each other or figure out how to deal with each other.When I was younger, if my brother and I got into a squabble, my mother told us to go into another room and take care of it. We had to learn how to deal with these situations.I was bullied relentlessly in High School. Some days I didn’t want to go.But my mother had given me the tools to learn how to not be a victim.Yes these girls are tragic. But the something that needs to be done, is not in the schools, its not in law enforcement and it definitely not in government. A big problem is the handle kids with kid gloves, don’t let them feel disappointment, don’t let them feel left out ect. It’s like with any disease, if they are not exposed to it early and in stages, they will shut down because they are overwhelmed and cannot handle it.1. Parents need to be more involved in their kids lives as they get older, especially in the situations like the boys in these stories.2. Parents need to be proactive about party and drinking issues.3. Parents need to teach and show their children how to think critically and how to deal with issues.4. Parents need to question their children about how they are feeling, notice signs of peer pressure/bullying. Start young, ask question about their treatment. Teach them what’s acceptable and what’s not. Teach them not to be a door mat to others.5. AND MOST IMPORTANT Teach and show your kids that YOU HAVE THEIR BACK. You are their ultimate protector. Get in the parents face of the bullies of your children, if that doesn’t work get in the bully’s face Go further, don’t let it go to act #2 or act #3.18months of bulling??? What were these parents doing? There is nothing on earth that could stop me from protecting my child, moving to a new state, a new country, vacation, therapy, getting police involved, showing them they are worth something, worth fighting for Suicide touched my life early. Bullying touched my life early I Refuse to be a victim of circumstance, and will not let either touch my life again or my kids lives.